Sitting in traffic as always, on the M1 and Sheffield Parkway on my way to work this morning, it struck me how similar driving a car in heavy traffic is to helping a client through the divorce process.<\/p>\n
Although we might do it subconsciously when we are driving, particularly in heavy traffic, we make hundreds of decisions every minute.\u00a0 Those decisions are made to keep us safe and to make sure we get to the other end of our journey in one piece. We look, we listen and we respond to the other cars around us.\u00a0\u00a0 If the car in front slows down, we slow down.\u00a0 If someone swerves suddenly to change lanes we react and position ourselves to stay safe.\u00a0 If we see someone speeding up behind us we might hold our breath for a split second and hope that they brake in time but usually, just like us, they are looking, listening and reacting and applying their brakes in time to pull up safely behind you.\u00a0 There is much stop-starting and giving and taking but at the end of the journey we are still safe and where we need to be.<\/p>\n
What if we didn\u2019t watch, listen and react to those around us and instead ploughed on regardless?\u00a0 You yourself might arrive safely at the end of your journey but as you look in the rear view mirror, quite possibly you will see devastation.\u00a0\u00a0 A car pile-up at the side of the road having swerved to avoid you as you sped on regardless.\u00a0 Alternatively you may never make the end of the journey.\u00a0 By failing to work cooperatively with the drivers of the cars around you, you may find yourself waiting for the emergency services to come and rescue you from the bottom of a pile up.<\/p>\n
So what\u2019s all this got to do with family law?\u00a0 Well, as a collaborative family lawyer for the last 9 years I have had the benefit of being able to compare dealing with divorces with cases being fought through Court, with those cases using the Collaborative Family Law method.\u00a0 In a Collaborative case the separating couple, with the assistance of two qualified collaborative lawyers, make a commitment to resolve matters by agreement.\u00a0 With the aid of their lawyers in a series of round the table meetings, they work as a team to find creative solutions and outcomes that suit both parties and more importantly which focus on the needs of any children.\u00a0 In collaborative work we learn to look, listen and react to the people around us.\u00a0 Is someone struggling emotionally?\u00a0 Do we need to slow down the process?\u00a0 Do we need to give them time or additional support to cope with a particular issue? \u00a0If an urgent issue arises we can put to one side what we were discussing and deal with the urgent issues concerning them both.\u00a0 They can go as fast or as slow as the couple wants.\u00a0 We can deal with issues they want to deal with when they want to deal with them.\u00a0 They set the timetable and the agenda and as collaborative lawyers we are just there to help, assist and guide them.\u00a0 Sometimes things don\u2019t go as expected.\u00a0 One of the couple might suddenly put the brakes on and feel unable to move forward.\u00a0 That\u2019s fine. We all apply the brakes and then work together to find a way to get moving again.<\/p>\n
Compare this to dealing with family matters through the Court.\u00a0\u00a0 One party decides that they want to make an application to the court.\u00a0 They put their foot down and off they go leaving the other person standing in their dust.\u00a0 The Court fixes a timetable and tells both parties what documents they have to produce, when they have to attend Court, by what day they have to make decisions, what questions they are allowed to ask and basically tells them what is and is not important in the eyes of the law rather than in the eyes of that particular family.\u00a0 The process generally does not stop just because someone needs to pull over and take a break.\u00a0 The reality is that there are rarely winners and losers in Court proceedings.\u00a0 The outcome, which is imposed by a Judge who at the end of the day is not a member of the separating family, is often one that neither party is entirely happy with.\u00a0 In the meantime whatever relationship the couple had left has generally been abandoned by the roadside.\u00a0 Car crash.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t get me wrong, there are cases which for whatever reason really need to go to Court and need the input of an experienced family Judge.\u00a0 However, the vast majority of family cases could, and in my view, should be resolved using alternative methods that focus on the particular needs of that family and in particular any children.\u00a0 In my experience Collaboration is by far the best approach.\u00a0 You still need to put on your seat belts, but you are less likely to need the airbag!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sitting in traffic as always, on the M1 and Sheffield Parkway on my way to work this morning, it struck me how similar driving a car in heavy traffic is to helping a client through the divorce process. Although we might do it subconsciously when we are driving, particularly in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2075,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[335,341],"tags":[660,735,742],"class_list":["post-3754","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce","category-familylaw","tag-divorce-2","tag-family-2","tag-family-law"],"yoast_head":"\n